I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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