she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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