And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
