Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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