I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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