I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
