What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
