I'm jealous of your bromance
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
