when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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