Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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