tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
