i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
