haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
