I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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