I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
