Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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