I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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