At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
