I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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