We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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