so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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