drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
