you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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