So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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