I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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