This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
