drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Found the puke drawer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
