your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
