yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
