Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
