I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
