I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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