We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
