So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
