I bet he comes in French.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
