hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
