i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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