Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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