absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
