They should really pass out barf bags in church
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
