everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
