Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
