I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and she was petting her beer can
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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