If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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