why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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