it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
