apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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