haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
