all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
