Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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